I remember for many years I didn't think, "Spirit" / "God" was for me. I grew up Catholic and felt I was in trouble with God for the ways I thought and what I did. I remembering feeling it was too late I was going to Hell anyway. I'm not putting down organized religion but merely saying what I felt as a result of what I was taught. As life moved ahead I began to use drugs and alcohol as a way to make myself feel better. Starting in 7th grade I was starting to get regular with my use/abuse of anything that altered my mind. I use to ask God before I went to bed to take me to heaven. I prayed he would make my heart stop in the middle of the night. I would get angry when I woke up in the morning. I felt it was a cruel joke God played on my to keep me alive, it was my punishment. It took me years to realize that God in fact loved me and I was being guided and my life saved over and over again my whole life. So many nights I should have died while being high and or drunk. How I was able to make it home in one piece while driving is only by the grace of God. I needed all those bad times to realize that I was being cradled in Gods hand the entire time. This photo I've posted along with this blog is my favorite photo. It shows to me I'm but a child in God loving hand. I work on reaching out to God for help now all the time. I picture God as my rudder as I continue to move through this world. I allow myself now to be gently steered in the directions I need to go in. If it wasn't for the 12-step program I go to I would not have learned God is my friend, my father and mother. I can always count on G. O. D. Good Orderly Direction. I am grateful to be alive and to be able to do what I do to help the people who come to me. I remember after surviving my attempted suicide I said to God "give me as many people as you give me and I will help as many people you have come my way". To this day I have fulfilled the words I spoke to God.